Who do I want to Be?

“Superman. Uhm Blue, Brown, Red. Uhm Just graduated College with a scriptwriting degree. Has an active imagination.”

This is my writer description for the blog set 4 years ago in 2010, possibly even earlier. I’ll have to come up with an update to that and so lemme write as I think of one. Right now I am calming down from a stressful week. Hopefully that doesn’t bleed into my final product today.

Who am I?

Who do I want to be?

I want to continue helping others.

I want to be in a position where I can lift others always.

I want to be an example for others such that people will want to listen and will willingly respect me.

I want to be humble that I can learn at all times.

I want to be meek that I can accept help from anyone at anytime.

I want to remain obedient, consistently.

I want to be a strong person.

I want to be a leader.

I want to befriend others out of love.

I want to start sharing my knowledge.

I want to share my love.

I want to share my talents.

I want to share my wealth.

I want to share my possessions.

What else do I want to be? Let’s look professionally.

I want to be involved in optics more so than ever before. I will attend the Vision Expos and learn of the many things there to expand my workplace into better ways of trade. I want to be knowledgeable in this field, especially when it comes to optical and management and growth.  How can I be this person?

When it comes to love, who do I want to be?

I want to be a gentleman.

I want to be someone who listens

I want to be a friend. I want to be close. I want to know what ails and what pains and what’s at pain.

I want to nourish and champion the best in my companion.

I want to be strong. I want to be a man.

I want to remain a great son. I want to be better than who I am already. I want to continue to be perfected. How can I do this?

I’ll have to visit this topic oft. I’ll have to think about this oft. A prayer.

Heavenly Father,
Love me, Love me dearly. Might I love Thee as Thou hast. Might Thy hands reach and touch mine that I might shake and move others with me. Might I learn by Thy Eternal perspective to grow and perfect in myself. Might I be there and be more than just there but be able to keep my baptismal covenants at all times for those around me. Dear Father, might Thee hear my prayer this night, In Thy son’s name, Jesus Christ, Amen

I’ll go ahead and close with my testimony and whip up an update. My testimony is that we were chosen to champion this time. We are to live and be heirs of the Kingdom. Our God in Heaven loves us dearly. He knows us all personally. And this I say in Jesus’ name, amen.

Am I a fool? Or a blind stallion?

God exists. He answers prayers.  I have been praying about whether people cared about me or not.  And just yesterday, friends have called out of the blue. I was invited to events. Even today I received a letter from a good friend remembering me.  So that’s good. Something else I’ve been praying about is girls.  And today I was leaving a social event and 5 girls caught me before I left. It felt like they were lining up.  So that’s good.

What’s terrible is that I can’t figure out why I sulk and carry poor posture.  I still carry something.  Last night I discovered I hide my feelings from my family. I feel responsible for causing a lot of stress in their lives, but I shouldn’t.  It really isn’t my fault.  I need to let that go.  I need to be more open.  It’s just that I feel that no one needs to hear my woes.  That sharing depression is like being a downer.  And I don’t want to be a downer.  Help me justify venting. Help me justify sharing my pains. I need to know.

Today I got to work.  It distracted me from the world.  I was focused on helping others.  And I did well there.  I can still function well, despite my thoughts.  So that’s good.  It’s just that no one can tell that I have problems and therefore cannot help. You can’t solve a problem when you don’t know there is a problem.

So thanks for listening and for all my friends thank you.  I love having friends.  I love it.