Oh how the clock ticks

Just looked at the calendar.  So many things to do. Can I do them in time?  I am suppose to have a good script for a comic book in two weeks. I have a presentation Tuesday night.  I have a test friday-which i probably cannot make.  I have a job I missed a whole weekend of work. Why?

I am being treated for a mental illness.  It’s torture.  I am racked with emotions of confusion and frustration, irritability.  I really didn’t want to make a post in this state, but i really should. I need to let these feelings out somewhere.  Problem is I actually have some followers.  I don’t want you guys knowing I feel this way. but lo, here i am.

It feels as though no one can help.  I really don’t know what others can do for me.  I am on a strong medicinal regiment. I have been sleeping just fine.  Other than my appetite my physical signs look well. I guess i could use some exercise- haven’t been fit for some time.  My feelings have improved, from sad to withdrawn. My thinking have improved from bullying myself to being numb. Spiritually I have been shaky. Not really praying at all. Not studying independently at all. Somehow though thanks to good friends I do attend as many church activities as I can.  Which keeps me hanging in there.

So i am gonna press on.  I must do my part and get better. I gotta get things done.

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Oops, Irrationality took a hold on me

So I was in a funk yesterday. Had a presentation and paper due that night with hours of no preparation.  Sure I had all day to do it.  No work. No morning classes. Should have been a cinch.  But little ol me, Oh me, had issues.

I contacted some close ones for motivation. And sure enough I felt a lot better, Thanks all for the encouragement. But I could not get out of that chair.  Yes that awful chair where I would sit and stare, zone out for 15 minutes, 30, maybe an hour.  At least I am not crying or moping right.  So that’s a plus.

Um I ate, for those of you who were wondering.  And then I took a nap.  Mom came home and got alarmed of my activity.  I just sat there, numb.  She asked me to take my laundry downstairs so that she could do it.  Being a small person she can’t handle large weights.  I refused.  Eventually she dragged my hamper downstairs.  I shielded my eyes, I couldn’t bare to see my Mom doing that.- How awful am I!

Still she invited me for dinner and of course I didn’t come.  I wasn’t sleeping either, just in that funk, that state of emptiness.  Dad came home not long after.

They didn’t bicker as much as usual.  I found an excuse to get out of the house.  A local business had a lucky number drawing in which we received our lucky numbers in the mail.  I went to investigate.

I ended up hours away.

Better and better and better

tired tonight.  played lots of video games. boo. no progress in schoolwork. well not all is lost. I am feeling better. and friends are friends. it’s good.

Sometimes you can’t appreciate friends until you figure out what they see in you. i am so cool. and so are my friends.

I too cried my guts out to my sister.  It twas good. we relieved our stress through a ritual of venting and learning and family time goodness.  People love me. how nice.

Oh and Black Eyed Pea’s Imma Bee is awesome.