Just looked at the calendar. So many things to do. Can I do them in time? I am suppose to have a good script for a comic book in two weeks. I have a presentation Tuesday night. I have a test friday-which i probably cannot make. I have a job I missed a whole weekend of work. Why?
I am being treated for a mental illness. It’s torture. I am racked with emotions of confusion and frustration, irritability. I really didn’t want to make a post in this state, but i really should. I need to let these feelings out somewhere. Problem is I actually have some followers. I don’t want you guys knowing I feel this way. but lo, here i am.
It feels as though no one can help. I really don’t know what others can do for me. I am on a strong medicinal regiment. I have been sleeping just fine. Other than my appetite my physical signs look well. I guess i could use some exercise- haven’t been fit for some time. My feelings have improved, from sad to withdrawn. My thinking have improved from bullying myself to being numb. Spiritually I have been shaky. Not really praying at all. Not studying independently at all. Somehow though thanks to good friends I do attend as many church activities as I can. Which keeps me hanging in there.
So i am gonna press on. I must do my part and get better. I gotta get things done.
So I was in a funk yesterday. Had a presentation and paper due that night with hours of no preparation. Sure I had all day to do it. No work. No morning classes. Should have been a cinch. But little ol me, Oh me, had issues.
I contacted some close ones for motivation. And sure enough I felt a lot better, Thanks all for the encouragement. But I could not get out of that chair. Yes that awful chair where I would sit and stare, zone out for 15 minutes, 30, maybe an hour. At least I am not crying or moping right. So that’s a plus.
Um I ate, for those of you who were wondering. And then I took a nap. Mom came home and got alarmed of my activity. I just sat there, numb. She asked me to take my laundry downstairs so that she could do it. Being a small person she can’t handle large weights. I refused. Eventually she dragged my hamper downstairs. I shielded my eyes, I couldn’t bare to see my Mom doing that.- How awful am I!
Still she invited me for dinner and of course I didn’t come. I wasn’t sleeping either, just in that funk, that state of emptiness. Dad came home not long after.
They didn’t bicker as much as usual. I found an excuse to get out of the house. A local business had a lucky number drawing in which we received our lucky numbers in the mail. I went to investigate.
I ended up hours away.
tired tonight. played lots of video games. boo. no progress in schoolwork. well not all is lost. I am feeling better. and friends are friends. it’s good.
Sometimes you can’t appreciate friends until you figure out what they see in you. i am so cool. and so are my friends.
I too cried my guts out to my sister. It twas good. we relieved our stress through a ritual of venting and learning and family time goodness. People love me. how nice.
Oh and Black Eyed Pea’s Imma Bee is awesome.