Monday Madness: Things are looking up

It’s like half past midnight and I am here to tell u I actually just woke up, from a nap not long ago.

My mind racks with suppressed memories of the past and recent conversations with the family.

My sister is so stressed with her wedding. I want to help at any capacity I can, but its so hard talking to her.

My older brother he wants me to do well, yet I find him to be all business as he does this, sending me articles like homework.

I found something that’s been helping me, that’s to focus on who I want to be rather than who I was or who I am. Its a slight mindset shift that pays good dividends. I don’t beat melt up as much and am overall more satisfied in myself.

Thanks for for your subscriptions. I can only hope my words help and give you at any capacity.

Thanks, and goodnight.

Squintyclops at Large


Testimony of Christ

Jesus Christ is our Lord and savior!He suffered on the cross for everyone’s sins. For all.
It’s an Infinite Atonement. Think this the Atonement covers that dear moment that turned your life upside down and it covers that time you thought that cute girl over there was hot.
Know pay attention. It covers those of your neighbors, those of your friends, family, the entire world, other times, of this world, other dimensions of this world, all sins of all the worlds of those dimensions, and then what? I don’t really know it’s infinite right?
Well Jesus Christ did that and he watches us as we do our great works, he knows our pain, he feels for us.
Jesus Christ is my best friend. He’s my favorite. He tells me I’m cool. He said that guy over there is cool too. HE says he LOVES me.
He’s my Shepard, my Master, the Lord of HOsts. In the name of Jesus Christ.
I bear my testimony before you,


Picked up a bum and gave him $20. True story.

I was gonna save this for a low traffic day but okay.

Ask for the long version.

Wow! My oh my. should I feel bad? NO it’s not a bad feeling. It’s just that the short version may make me sound crazy. Picked up a bum and gave him a 20. I know i did the right thing. Only time and the Father will tell what lies ahead. But you’re all welcome to read the long version.

So this fine day, the one and only thing I had to get done was to get x-rays.  Got me a visit from a great friend, got a whole new collection of spiritual music, talked to some very old friends, promised to read the Bible, promised to spend time studying the Bible of said friends. All the while making calls and txts to find one who could get me a ride for the x- rays.

Come 3:00. No worries, I have time. I have faith in the Lord. I have patience in the Lord. My backup has run out of time and can no longer be of service. Mom calls and says she has to stay late for work.  Um. patience, faith. FAITH.

With the right kind of faith you can move mountains right? Well faith I go. I drove some 20 miles to get to hospital.

along the way i was angry. angry that it had to come to this. especially angry at the hospital for not having a way to get it to my physician.  Well push comes to shove, I drove bitter.

I was about a mile away, on the off ramp of the highway.  A beggar/ homeless man paced the side. It’s a red light.  He’s walking my way.  I have a pass along BofM in my side door. He’s right next to me. My window is open. I’m blasting MoTab. I don’t even bat an eye.  He makes his way past me.  I sit and say I’ll give it to him on the way back.  Green light. Perhaps I’ll toss it out the window.

I go.

I will go back after the hospital.

St Matthew 25:37-40

“Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when we saw thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty and gave thee drink?

When we saw a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

And the King shall answer and say unto them,  Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

Tears. Sob Sob. Uncontrollable tears. I must turn back.

So there I am hazard lights on pulling up to this exit, middle of the intersection mind you.   Only the beggar I saw wasn’t there.

Another man was there, humble, beat, down in the dumps, he plops down.

HONK, HONK. Get in.

St Matthew 17:7

“And Jesus came and touched them and said, Arise and be not afraid.”

The man looks up. “Come in.” And in he came.

Immediately he saw my crutches and was curious to know of my injury. But halt. I had to introduce myself “I am John,” and learned of his name Jeremy.  His fraternal twin brother’s name is John. I needed to explain to him the reason why I turned around. So I did, and we got onto the story of my ankle.  That aside we grew engrossed in conversation.

I learned Jeremy got divorced and that’s when his life went downhill.  Jeremy recently came from out of town a week ago.  His home roots are California, but he had a life in the Lou as well. His father died on a road we passed through. He only had crackers to eat this morning.

Jeremy lives with a couple guys and is struggling to pay this month’s rent. He doesn’t have a razor.

By that time Jeremy learned of my mission.  Eager to help we agreed that if he helped me I would help him. I offered him my phone number, but not gave.

I told him about the Church how we have one very close to where we were.  I really wanted to take him after our trip for x rays. So that was the plan.

As we lost track of time and direction. I had to rely on Onstar to point me to Urgent Care.  We still got turned around from the deep conversation.

Alas, we get to Urgent Care.  He asks to take a used water bottle. It’s all his.  I give him a box of old mints. We enter the facilities and I point him a water fountain to fill up our water bottles. I am at reception.

Reception took a while but Jeremy took longer.  He was in the bathroom.  I heard washing but, I dare not enter.  Shortly, he came out with the water bottles informing me his hands are clean.

Reception told me to go to the Film Library.  We entered the labyrinth of the facility. And after some unfortunate misleads we find the Film Library.

A woman passes by and informs us that she may be out.

We find the Film Library.  Door closed. Light on.  Knock knock.  silence. “There’s no one there,” said Jeremy.

“Try again,” I urged and knocks Jeremy does.  Nada. Nilch. Frustrated we went to the nearby vending machines.  Offered him a snack. “I have a couple singles. Want a dollar? I’ll get you something.” He insisted I didn’t.

A woman passes by. “Do you have access to the FIlm Library?” said I.

“Try Medical Records. They are connected.” We go down the hall.

Yes! Some people.  They did not have access to the Film Library.

I see another woman.  “Can you page Film Library?”
“It’s 4:30, she went home,” she insisted.  It was 4:23.

“She has kids to drive home, a house to feed, during the day she takes the regular breaks and eats the meals, a busy woman.” said this woman.

We retreat to the car.

At this point Jeremy wanted to go back to his highway exit and he needed a sign, for upon my arrival he totally forgot to bring it.

I seek supplies in my trunk. Very valuable things in there, Nothing of use.

“Before I go I will show you the Church and you can be on your way, Onstar? Proceed.” said I.

Onstar took forever. FOREVER.

I hang up. “ You know what I’ll take you to the Bridge. But here is a copy of my scriptures, Yeah I am Mormon. But you read this when you have time. You read this when you are bored. If you do remember me. If you happen to remember me. Remember me for this book.”

Onstar directs me to the bridge.  We get turned around again.  At this point, Jeremy was getting anxious.  As we drive along, I offer a slue of ideas for cardboard, marker, and food. He insisted we go to the Bridge.

A block away my mind gets uneasy.  This poor man has given such precious time with me, what can I do for him?  I had 3 singles and 2 twenties. A choice between 3 dollars and a twenty.

My mother works hard for money.  Yesterday she denied $5 to a gambling woman, who wanted money.  “When she has much to give she blows it all away, why should I give her my money?”

I respect my mother’s words very dearly.  It was a hard choice. Jeremy received $20.

ST. Matthew 25:45-46

“Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.

And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: But the righteous into the eternal.”

It’s decision time.

“You are to use this for food and water. That is it and NOTHING else.” I spake.

Surprise. Unexplainable gratitude. We are less than a block away. I tell him it’s time to go.

“I never got your number,” Jeremy humbly asks.

I rustle up a scratch piece of paper. He offered to use the BofM to write on.  I passed him the scratch piece of paper and pen.

I recite the number. And he jots it down.

We shake hands. “God bless” bids Jeremy.

I think of Jeremy now.  I have prepared a list of goods for him to take in which he can use to prepare for a job.  Razor, backpack, deodorant, Big art marker. Glasses. Money for Haircut.

And Now I wonder did Jeremy write the number on the scratch piece of paper or the Book of Mormon.

Where did his agency lie?

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for Jeremy. Thank ye for the moments we shared, the trek we partook.  Bless Jeremy that he might have the kindling of faith, that he might humble himself to exercise faith, and experiment the Book of Mormon. I pray that he might think of me in times of need and that my number will be his answer to today’s misfortunes.  I pray of these things in the name of my Master, Jesus the Christ, your only begotten, Amen.

I, JOHN, having been born of goodly parents, therefore…..

I, JOHN, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of my God, therefore I make a record of the proceedings in my days.

This scripture just bring me to tears.

I bid goodbye to dad this morning, off to his hard work as usual.  But before he left he decided to bring out some ancient photo albums. He told me took for those you recognize, see if you can see their personalities by just their photos.

Um ok, ok.

I happened to grab the wedding photos.  Dad was the first.  Amazingly beautiful man.  You can tell he’s soft spoken. He’s a hard worker and enjoys his days. Mom, a very happy girl indeed.  You can tell she’s a sweet little thing.

As I went through, I saw many who would one day become future family heads.  I saw those who live their days in lonely sorrow.  I saw those of goodly parents and those of ill parents. My parents, HA CHAU & DAN CHAU, sincerely genuinely are of the goodly parents.

This realization.  This recognition brought me to tears. I can’t stop sobbing, dear me.  Dad and Mom has done so much for me I cannot even begin to list. Their trials, their joys, their lessons, their love.

I weep.

Most Sweetsometacular day in my life. Easy. Hands down.

Topic of today. God answers prayers.

So, like many

I have trouble keeping the commandments. I sought blessings that I might be better, and firm.

I needed to read the Book of Mormon.  A week ago I had next to no interest in reading the BofM, let alone learn from it. I sought blessings that I might not only have the desire to read the BofM but the awareness that I too can learn oodles.

I have  concerns for a close friend. I sought blessings that he might  walk the straight and narrow as he once did.

I had concerns for a family friend. I sought blessings that they might be a house of great cheer and laughter.

I was wanting to say bye to a missionary. I sought blessings that we might  have memories that last.

I had concerns of where i was spiritually and I sought an answer.

Then I messed up my ankle in racquetball.  Went hi speed for the ball, nearly crashing into the wall i did what asians do best instead of slamming into the wall, i leaped. performed a double jump, back somersault, triple sow cow, wall kick. But wo is me for i didn’t stick the landing.

Sharp pain. All’s well in zion i’ll walk it off….. Um wait, how about a water break everybody i think i’m gonna sit down. Maybe takeoff me shoe & sock. HMMM. that’s weird, my foot’s getting larger and larger at an incredible rate.

It’s happened before. Many times. Use the old medicine of the East.  Marinade some rice in medicinal ointments. Quick massage and setting of the foot. Apply rice for a period of days. repeat and bam! no worries.

But wait.

I cannot walk!

Bam! my old pal, he knows things. rescues me to the car.  Made to the urgent care with help of ONSTAR. how fun.  Wait forever to be seen. do some laps in the waiting room with my new wheels. chair style that is. All in excruciating pain mind you. Wait a minute. those partners we played double with in racquetball- they’re missionairies! Anointing! Hallelujah!

So i leave with an air cast. “you can walk on that” you’ve got a sprained ankle. HOLD UP. I walk with the swagger of a cripple. Thus issued the crutches. Double dipping on the hospital perks.

Xray says….. well nothing at the moment. NO SPECIALIST ON duty today…….

Hmm. let’ s go home.

Dad, poor dad. he bathed me. POOR ME. I had to rely on my dad to bathe me. the humility. what it takes to be humble!

Hmm. bored. let’s read the BofM. 2 Nephi 10-14.

mmk. mmk. uh huh. yea. ponder ponder ponder.

What a moment! What a bliss. I loved it!  I was coloring my BofM, like a child on the wall! Never had I learned so much!

New favorite scripture. It reveals what kind of girls a guy should be looking for, how a girl should be….

2 Nephi 13:24

“And it shall come to pass, instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of  a girdle, a rent; and instead of well set hair, baldness; and instead of a stomacher, a girding of sackcloth; burning instead of beauty.”

Take it in.

Take it in.

Take it in.


Think opposition in all things.

the negatives are blatantly obvious: stink, a rent, baldness, girding of sackcloth, beauty.

SAY WHAT- beauty.

Yes, pay attention to the pattern.

Here’s the meat. The bliss of discovery.

The positives, hard to catch on the first read: sweet smell, a girdle, well set hair, stomacher, and burning- YES BURNING.

sweet smell- nice. girdle= nice figure, well set hair= a great set of hair.

Stomacher and burning?

burning- 2 Nephi 14:4 refers to the burning of the holy ghost like once upon confirmation.

stomacher? food? feast? feasting of the word of God.

BAMF! ( *Nightcrawler’s onomatopoeia for his teleportation)

rejoice! put the women to the test.

Does she have a nice scent?

Does she have a good figure?

Does she have a suave head of hair?

Does she feast upon the Word?

Does she burn with the flame of the Holy Ghost?


I am growing in testimony of the BofM. I know President Monson leads and guides the church as prophet, seer and revelator.  Joseph Smith restored the true gospel of Jesus Christ upon the Earth. Jesus sacrificed for our sins in his Atoning sacrifice. The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints is the true church. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Thinking ’bout People

Relationships come and go, right? I mean with friends or ‘friends.’ or ‘friends’ wink wink nudge nudge. lol

I’ve got all types of friends.  There was this guy from church whom I haven’t seen of or heard of in ’bout a year who all of a sudden showed up.  I was ecstatic. That was last week. And honestly we weren’t even close. I mean we shared moments here and there, but we never hung out.

Then last night a good friend returned from school. I again was ecstatic. –I was so loud–. But anyway things feel like normal in that friendship again too.

But do all friendships always bounce right back up like these two? I dunno.  Friendships end for all kinds of reasons: bitterness, distance, business (as in too busy haha) , awkwardness and whatever else. I’d say the two I’ve spoken of are the distance and business ‘breakups.’ But then I can easily think of an awesome friend who got busy but then things are now awkward.

You know what? I believe we are in charge of how awkward something gets.  Cuz… I am thinkin’…. things get awkward when I don’t do something as in I should have done something as a friend but didn’t or in fact did something way off.  Consider this.

The awesome friend. Things were cool even though we weren’t hanging out as regularly as we used to for some time. Til we started looking for one another. We’d both be busy.  There are times I know I have ignored texts ( not intentionally– but as I always say “it didn’t have to be on purpose; it hurts anyway” so…) and never called back.  See that’s when things get awkward.

Then there’s bitterness when I simply found  the guy not fun/ annoying/ things are ungroovy for no particular reason.  And i started ignoring him on purpose.  Sad right.  And it gets awkward when he and i realizes this.  makes me feel a little bad.

Then there are good friends of days past.  We are still on a good note. Just texted one of the crew today. Got a warm response too. But the problem is that I have changed so much.  I doubt I would enjoy their company anymore.  I mean. I’ve made lifestyle changes.  boo.

Speaking of notes.  Friendships I believe can take on this meaning.  Substantial communication between two persons that ended on a positive.  Haha. So what i am saying is that friends are a history of communication in which you are dubbed friends when the last things communicated between the two are positive.

Ha! When i was down, i said ‘friendships are two that use one another in bearable ways.  Total flip.  Wow.

I was thinking today- thanks to a friend– ( That’s Right!) … that people perceive.  I have forgotten that lately.  And it got me thinking and now I am thinking about girls and well ya know relationships…

I usually wear a tie, dress shirt and pants to institute thursday nights.  And I’ve been driving a brand new car.  Well tonight a I changed mid way through the night. There were comments- ‘ oh you’re not… I thought you were.. ya know new car, nice cloths…)’ That wasn’t the only one along those lines.  Funny how material things can morph the way people perceive you. I do like dressing sharp, but at the same time I didn’t want people thinking i did it normally. I do wear casual cloths.  I DIDN”T USED TO CARE!

And now that I’m thinking about how people think of me I wonder who likes me or not, about anybody- friends especially. Why am I testing the friendships we have? Shoot, the general way of things is that if you go out and it doesnt work out the friend thing never works.  That’s why I am hating these thoughts. But where would love come if these thoughts weren’t thought?

Well I’ve got to think these things through or make the decision to just forget about it….cuz it’s frustrating.

I wanna say I am grateful for all the friendships i’ve had in my life. Yes ALL. They’ve shaped me into who i am today. a person who i am grateful to be.  I am grateful for all in this world. latersz.

Time to be Grateful

So today at institute, I learned about gratitude.  Studied some parables in Luke.  About eternal life.  Studied a talk by a prophet.

Coincidently, I spoke with a coworker of mine at the LC.  She’s very spiritual and tolerant.  She meditates and reads books from all sorts of gurus.  A great person.  She shared with me a passage on spiritual healing and a lent me a book on prayer.  The passage talked about how illness is not a part of God, but a gap from God. — As far as I understood it.– And that a good healing prayer would be one to ask for a return to closeness with Him.  Neat Perspective.

The idea that I am getting from God today is that I can overcome this dip in my life with a little bit of gratitude.  And so, I think I will try and blog a bit of gratitude once each day. Starting with but  a simple list.

I am grateful for my mother.

I am grateful for the love of my father.

I am grateful for the love of my sister.

I am grateful for the company of my brother.

I am grateful for the perspective of my elder brother.

I am grateful for the knowledge within the world.

I am grateful for the Atonement.

I am grateful for the Atonement.

I am grateful for the opportunities I have to grow spiritually everyday, having access to scriptures, church activities, and moments with the Spirit.

I am grateful for the Holy Ghost.

I am grateful for my health.

I am grateful for this blog.

And that’s good for today.  Thanks so much.