My Brain, Anger.

It feels like something presses on my mind. I know what it is. It’s frustration, anger, agony, bitterness. well maybe not agony. but still.

I don’t want to share too much here, and I don’t get too angry too oft. It’s like a once in a year thing. This is probably this first time it’s been so prolonged and so consistent. So confused am I!!!

I wish someone could be there for me. Well i’m sorry, there are tons of people who are there for me. Lemme clarify. I need someone who can read me, who is willing to pry. Who wants to hear my woes and look past their own that I might relieve mine own. I mean really. People are quick to talk about themselves.

In any case I get to meet with church leadership tonite. I am looking for some advisement here. Usually they don’t tell you anything you don’t already know, but they help you understand these ‘anything’s and these anythings soak deep into you. I’m looking for one of those moments.

I know what’s bugging me now. It’s been a week. I honestly am unfamiliar with this type of rage of an attitude. I even asked my sister, ‘what do you do when you are angry, you are angry all the time.’ She says, “I yell and scream and let everyone know.” i tell her i am just the opposite.

I hate being angry. I am starting to hate other things too, like people. This trend it getting no where. How am I to turn this around?

I need a friend.

Oh how the clock ticks

Just looked at the calendar.  So many things to do. Can I do them in time?  I am suppose to have a good script for a comic book in two weeks. I have a presentation Tuesday night.  I have a test friday-which i probably cannot make.  I have a job I missed a whole weekend of work. Why?

I am being treated for a mental illness.  It’s torture.  I am racked with emotions of confusion and frustration, irritability.  I really didn’t want to make a post in this state, but i really should. I need to let these feelings out somewhere.  Problem is I actually have some followers.  I don’t want you guys knowing I feel this way. but lo, here i am.

It feels as though no one can help.  I really don’t know what others can do for me.  I am on a strong medicinal regiment. I have been sleeping just fine.  Other than my appetite my physical signs look well. I guess i could use some exercise- haven’t been fit for some time.  My feelings have improved, from sad to withdrawn. My thinking have improved from bullying myself to being numb. Spiritually I have been shaky. Not really praying at all. Not studying independently at all. Somehow though thanks to good friends I do attend as many church activities as I can.  Which keeps me hanging in there.

So i am gonna press on.  I must do my part and get better. I gotta get things done.