My testimony to you this night: Black Sheep

We all feel like we are on our own sometimes. There are times when we may feel left out from everyone else, like a black sheep. We may feel like we are on our own with our unique ideas, individual thoughts, personal struggles, alone. And we just may be. Alone.

But let me tell you of a concept called the Atonement. It’s a big word. There are a lot of components to this idea, infinite ones at that. One I want to speak of is the idea of gathering. The Atonement unifies us. It draws me closer to you. It draws you closer to your neighbor. The Atonement guides each of us to a finite vision that explores infinite possibilities.

The way it works is very complex, sacredly beyond our mortal minds. This I know, however let’s not get too caught up in the how and focus on the what, what it does for you and me. The Atonement allows each of us to recover from our shortcomings, whether it’s of us or not. It gives us a sense of purpose and a single unifying goal.  This goal inherently invites others to come upon the Atonement, such as that others might not feel that loneliness.

The Atonement is only possible by Jesus Christ, a perfect being by which the law can be brought justice and mercy to all. By Christ’s embracing Atonement we are brought together, saved. By His example we gather the one in one hundred. Every soul is precious, even yours.

Learn of Jesus Christ. Accept His Atonement. Feel His love and mercy for you.

In His name, Amen.

 

Testimony of Christ

Jesus Christ is our Lord and savior!He suffered on the cross for everyone’s sins. For all.
It’s an Infinite Atonement. Think this the Atonement covers that dear moment that turned your life upside down and it covers that time you thought that cute girl over there was hot.
Know pay attention. It covers those of your neighbors, those of your friends, family, the entire world, other times, of this world, other dimensions of this world, all sins of all the worlds of those dimensions, and then what? I don’t really know it’s infinite right?
Well Jesus Christ did that and he watches us as we do our great works, he knows our pain, he feels for us.
Jesus Christ is my best friend. He’s my favorite. He tells me I’m cool. He said that guy over there is cool too. HE says he LOVES me.
He’s my Shepard, my Master, the Lord of HOsts. In the name of Jesus Christ.
I bear my testimony before you,
amen.
 


 

Most Sweetsometacular day in my life. Easy. Hands down.

Topic of today. God answers prayers.

So, like many

I have trouble keeping the commandments. I sought blessings that I might be better, and firm.

I needed to read the Book of Mormon.  A week ago I had next to no interest in reading the BofM, let alone learn from it. I sought blessings that I might not only have the desire to read the BofM but the awareness that I too can learn oodles.

I have  concerns for a close friend. I sought blessings that he might  walk the straight and narrow as he once did.

I had concerns for a family friend. I sought blessings that they might be a house of great cheer and laughter.

I was wanting to say bye to a missionary. I sought blessings that we might  have memories that last.

I had concerns of where i was spiritually and I sought an answer.

Then I messed up my ankle in racquetball.  Went hi speed for the ball, nearly crashing into the wall i did what asians do best instead of slamming into the wall, i leaped. performed a double jump, back somersault, triple sow cow, wall kick. But wo is me for i didn’t stick the landing.

Sharp pain. All’s well in zion i’ll walk it off….. Um wait, how about a water break everybody i think i’m gonna sit down. Maybe takeoff me shoe & sock. HMMM. that’s weird, my foot’s getting larger and larger at an incredible rate.

It’s happened before. Many times. Use the old medicine of the East.  Marinade some rice in medicinal ointments. Quick massage and setting of the foot. Apply rice for a period of days. repeat and bam! no worries.

But wait.

I cannot walk!

Bam! my old pal, he knows things. rescues me to the car.  Made to the urgent care with help of ONSTAR. how fun.  Wait forever to be seen. do some laps in the waiting room with my new wheels. chair style that is. All in excruciating pain mind you. Wait a minute. those partners we played double with in racquetball- they’re missionairies! Anointing! Hallelujah!

So i leave with an air cast. “you can walk on that” you’ve got a sprained ankle. HOLD UP. I walk with the swagger of a cripple. Thus issued the crutches. Double dipping on the hospital perks.

Xray says….. well nothing at the moment. NO SPECIALIST ON duty today…….

Hmm. let’ s go home.

Dad, poor dad. he bathed me. POOR ME. I had to rely on my dad to bathe me. the humility. what it takes to be humble!

Hmm. bored. let’s read the BofM. 2 Nephi 10-14.

mmk. mmk. uh huh. yea. ponder ponder ponder.

What a moment! What a bliss. I loved it!  I was coloring my BofM, like a child on the wall! Never had I learned so much!

New favorite scripture. It reveals what kind of girls a guy should be looking for, how a girl should be….

2 Nephi 13:24

“And it shall come to pass, instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of  a girdle, a rent; and instead of well set hair, baldness; and instead of a stomacher, a girding of sackcloth; burning instead of beauty.”

Take it in.

Take it in.

Take it in.

Slowly.

Think opposition in all things.

the negatives are blatantly obvious: stink, a rent, baldness, girding of sackcloth, beauty.

SAY WHAT- beauty.

Yes, pay attention to the pattern.

Here’s the meat. The bliss of discovery.

The positives, hard to catch on the first read: sweet smell, a girdle, well set hair, stomacher, and burning- YES BURNING.

sweet smell- nice. girdle= nice figure, well set hair= a great set of hair.

Stomacher and burning?

burning- 2 Nephi 14:4 refers to the burning of the holy ghost like once upon confirmation.

stomacher? food? feast? feasting of the word of God.

BAMF! ( *Nightcrawler’s onomatopoeia for his teleportation)

rejoice! put the women to the test.

Does she have a nice scent?

Does she have a good figure?

Does she have a suave head of hair?

Does she feast upon the Word?

Does she burn with the flame of the Holy Ghost?

?

I am growing in testimony of the BofM. I know President Monson leads and guides the church as prophet, seer and revelator.  Joseph Smith restored the true gospel of Jesus Christ upon the Earth. Jesus sacrificed for our sins in his Atoning sacrifice. The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints is the true church. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I’m So Unworthy…lol

My birthday passed not too long ago. And it’s not surprising to see how many people came out to the party, or the number of cards I received, the hugs I got, the birthday wishes. I’m a good guy. People luv me I suppose. It’s just that there are times when I feel like I don’t ….. deserve it.

Sometimes the party thing feels like it’s just to see how many people I can get out haha. And i wait til the end of the day to see the fb wishes. I feel like i need to know if people care.  Do i live life just to get a high score on my birthday? lamesauce.

Problem is.. even with all this. i still feel very lonely.  it’s true.  i don’t know if i have a best bud.  And i know. there are tons of people who care about me and would like to hang out with me. I get plenty of invites and such to go out.  But i have hermit tendencies. Sometimes i would avoid socializing or even ignore invites.

So I would like to have a best bud. One who lives nearby. one who’s place i can crash when i need it most. Someone to talk to bout anything. But as I said before my actions don’t show it.  What’s happening is that I am picky about who I am friends with. Is that bad? I mean it’s ok to a point. But when it feels like there are plenty of people wanting to be my friend and i just think they are too weird or old or young or this or that. It gets a little strange. i don’t want to type it but i will, i hate me for this.

there are people who want to make friends and i feel lonely yet i don’t want to become friends because of who they are. i just don’t think that’s right.  If people can think i am awesome why can’t i think of others awesome?

this is what lead me to my testimony on sunday.  when i get myself down i’d usually think of what blessings i have. and i do have a lot.  so much luv. i want to be able to show it back. is it pride? or is it compassion? or friendship? i’ve got to choose.

The Love of the Holy Ghost

Today I wasn’t going to go to church.  It took me forever to get out of bed. I didn’t want to wake up. It’s cold-ish. It’s sunday.

People depend on me for the program though.  Which got out of bed.  I made the program. Emailed it to those who really count on it. And then I through some sunday cloths on. I had a plan.

I was to go to church two hours early. Print off the programs. Set them on the front table and go home.  I wasn’t going to be that cheerful greeter today. I need a break today. I wanna call in sick. but lo it is church.

Things were going well. Got the programs printed. Plan is going well. I walk to the front table.  I find myself peeking around doors hoping I would see someone I know. So far only one man, i met months ago. i remember his name tho. Moses. He visited our branch once. I wondered where he went. It appears he’s been going to the family wards the whole time. That’s good. But yea, no one i knew. Good. right.

So i make my way to the car. And proceeded to go home. I go and i go. hmm. it’s way early. I don’t want to be home so early.  And i don’t want to break the Sabbath.  So I got brainstorming- something I am very good at. “You need to make Sacrament.” And so I thought I don’t want to go back.  And I’m not going to the other YSA. I’ll just go to the home ward.  Just as I thought that I missed my exit to go home.  So instead of following the plan to go home, i went to the home ward.

And so i go. This will work. I will get sacrament as always, and i won’t have to face all the pity from friends.  But! i forgot. One of my best friends usually goes to her home ward before ours.  Will i miss her. idk.

I make it to the home ward.  I see a friend’s grandma. she invites me over for lunch. that’s nice.  I enter the building. I could have gone straight into the chapel but i find my self exploring the building. Why am i increasing my chances to see her? I see her brother.  It gets crowded. Families are getting out of church. I continue around the building.  There she is. I hope she doesn’t see me. I bolt to the chapel. She catches me. I share my plan. Kinda stubborn she is. But so am i.

I enter the chapel. Shook her off.  I get comfortable. I wait for those i know will come to this sacrament meeting.  I wait. I wait. “Wait, did she really just go? Hey! stick to the plan.” I wait.

She’s back. We talk. I am so stubborn. I can tell she’s getting the hint. I felt it. A prompting.  “Lets go!” i said surprisingly boldly. The spirit IS with me. She makes sure i am doing what i want. We go.  It’s not what i want. it’s about what He wants.  We go.

I make it to church and immediately there are those who were already wondering where i was. Hmm was I missed 20 mins before church? Idk. They want me to pass out their fliers. I decline.  I go into the chapel. Found a cozy spot. Spotted a good friend. That was nice.

We shared experiences.  She cared. She pried. That’s nice.

Took the sacrament.  Listened to the amazing talks. Felt like they were speaking directly to me. But I waited. I waited for someone to ask “Why aren’t you passing the programs? Where’s my program? You are slacking. yada yada yada.” It’s visiting time. I wait.

The Counselor recognized I was down. We sit aside and talked it out, and this one he’s actually not much of a talker. To see him talk to me, to get the courage to address my feelings. I am to receive a blessing after church. That really means a lot.  I enjoyed that. Good to know someone’s got my back.

Church continued on. I receive my blessing. We talked. Both Counselors and I. It was great.  They gave me perspective.  They gave me something to look forward to.  They gave me love.

I go home. With a best friend. No one asked about my nonexistent greeting today. Many many asked how I was feeling.

I owe it to all. Everyone in my life. but i want to highlight the prompting. That was the turning point. Sure a best friend was there. Sure counselors talked to me. Sure many asked how i felt. But I am sure the Spirit aided many of them.  The Spirit I am sure made this happen.  I pray.- oh yes I pray.

Oops, Irrationality took a hold on me

So I was in a funk yesterday. Had a presentation and paper due that night with hours of no preparation.  Sure I had all day to do it.  No work. No morning classes. Should have been a cinch.  But little ol me, Oh me, had issues.

I contacted some close ones for motivation. And sure enough I felt a lot better, Thanks all for the encouragement. But I could not get out of that chair.  Yes that awful chair where I would sit and stare, zone out for 15 minutes, 30, maybe an hour.  At least I am not crying or moping right.  So that’s a plus.

Um I ate, for those of you who were wondering.  And then I took a nap.  Mom came home and got alarmed of my activity.  I just sat there, numb.  She asked me to take my laundry downstairs so that she could do it.  Being a small person she can’t handle large weights.  I refused.  Eventually she dragged my hamper downstairs.  I shielded my eyes, I couldn’t bare to see my Mom doing that.- How awful am I!

Still she invited me for dinner and of course I didn’t come.  I wasn’t sleeping either, just in that funk, that state of emptiness.  Dad came home not long after.

They didn’t bicker as much as usual.  I found an excuse to get out of the house.  A local business had a lucky number drawing in which we received our lucky numbers in the mail.  I went to investigate.

I ended up hours away.

Better and better and better

tired tonight.  played lots of video games. boo. no progress in schoolwork. well not all is lost. I am feeling better. and friends are friends. it’s good.

Sometimes you can’t appreciate friends until you figure out what they see in you. i am so cool. and so are my friends.

I too cried my guts out to my sister.  It twas good. we relieved our stress through a ritual of venting and learning and family time goodness.  People love me. how nice.

Oh and Black Eyed Pea’s Imma Bee is awesome.