Scribble, Dabble, Scribble

I’m listening to Sir Mix-a-lot. I’m in major brainstorm mode. It started at the meeting today at MIdwest Vision Care. We were thinking of ways to increase business and what not, and I threw my ideas out. Throughout the day I kept getting more ideas for the thoughts presented in the meeting. As the night went on I continued the march of ideas. I started wanting to create a publication for the office. Now I want to start my own online following- maybe a Facebook page, a Youtube Channel, a blog, idk. I want to do something regular with a regular audience. Which brought me here. This might be one of the last remaining online activity that I really do.  There’s facebook, but i never post status updates. I don’t know who would care. Or maybe I don’t care for the people who I know. Haha. sorry fb peeps. I am weird luv me or dump me. I know who my friends are i don’t need/ want a place to keep track of them. Enuf on that tho.

So what to do? I dunno. I’ll just keep writing in this. I’m gonna buy a smartphone for my birthday i think.

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My testimony to you this night: Black Sheep

We all feel like we are on our own sometimes. There are times when we may feel left out from everyone else, like a black sheep. We may feel like we are on our own with our unique ideas, individual thoughts, personal struggles, alone. And we just may be. Alone.

But let me tell you of a concept called the Atonement. It’s a big word. There are a lot of components to this idea, infinite ones at that. One I want to speak of is the idea of gathering. The Atonement unifies us. It draws me closer to you. It draws you closer to your neighbor. The Atonement guides each of us to a finite vision that explores infinite possibilities.

The way it works is very complex, sacredly beyond our mortal minds. This I know, however let’s not get too caught up in the how and focus on the what, what it does for you and me. The Atonement allows each of us to recover from our shortcomings, whether it’s of us or not. It gives us a sense of purpose and a single unifying goal.  This goal inherently invites others to come upon the Atonement, such as that others might not feel that loneliness.

The Atonement is only possible by Jesus Christ, a perfect being by which the law can be brought justice and mercy to all. By Christ’s embracing Atonement we are brought together, saved. By His example we gather the one in one hundred. Every soul is precious, even yours.

Learn of Jesus Christ. Accept His Atonement. Feel His love and mercy for you.

In His name, Amen.

 

Most Sweetsometacular day in my life. Easy. Hands down.

Topic of today. God answers prayers.

So, like many

I have trouble keeping the commandments. I sought blessings that I might be better, and firm.

I needed to read the Book of Mormon.  A week ago I had next to no interest in reading the BofM, let alone learn from it. I sought blessings that I might not only have the desire to read the BofM but the awareness that I too can learn oodles.

I have  concerns for a close friend. I sought blessings that he might  walk the straight and narrow as he once did.

I had concerns for a family friend. I sought blessings that they might be a house of great cheer and laughter.

I was wanting to say bye to a missionary. I sought blessings that we might  have memories that last.

I had concerns of where i was spiritually and I sought an answer.

Then I messed up my ankle in racquetball.  Went hi speed for the ball, nearly crashing into the wall i did what asians do best instead of slamming into the wall, i leaped. performed a double jump, back somersault, triple sow cow, wall kick. But wo is me for i didn’t stick the landing.

Sharp pain. All’s well in zion i’ll walk it off….. Um wait, how about a water break everybody i think i’m gonna sit down. Maybe takeoff me shoe & sock. HMMM. that’s weird, my foot’s getting larger and larger at an incredible rate.

It’s happened before. Many times. Use the old medicine of the East.  Marinade some rice in medicinal ointments. Quick massage and setting of the foot. Apply rice for a period of days. repeat and bam! no worries.

But wait.

I cannot walk!

Bam! my old pal, he knows things. rescues me to the car.  Made to the urgent care with help of ONSTAR. how fun.  Wait forever to be seen. do some laps in the waiting room with my new wheels. chair style that is. All in excruciating pain mind you. Wait a minute. those partners we played double with in racquetball- they’re missionairies! Anointing! Hallelujah!

So i leave with an air cast. “you can walk on that” you’ve got a sprained ankle. HOLD UP. I walk with the swagger of a cripple. Thus issued the crutches. Double dipping on the hospital perks.

Xray says….. well nothing at the moment. NO SPECIALIST ON duty today…….

Hmm. let’ s go home.

Dad, poor dad. he bathed me. POOR ME. I had to rely on my dad to bathe me. the humility. what it takes to be humble!

Hmm. bored. let’s read the BofM. 2 Nephi 10-14.

mmk. mmk. uh huh. yea. ponder ponder ponder.

What a moment! What a bliss. I loved it!  I was coloring my BofM, like a child on the wall! Never had I learned so much!

New favorite scripture. It reveals what kind of girls a guy should be looking for, how a girl should be….

2 Nephi 13:24

“And it shall come to pass, instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of  a girdle, a rent; and instead of well set hair, baldness; and instead of a stomacher, a girding of sackcloth; burning instead of beauty.”

Take it in.

Take it in.

Take it in.

Slowly.

Think opposition in all things.

the negatives are blatantly obvious: stink, a rent, baldness, girding of sackcloth, beauty.

SAY WHAT- beauty.

Yes, pay attention to the pattern.

Here’s the meat. The bliss of discovery.

The positives, hard to catch on the first read: sweet smell, a girdle, well set hair, stomacher, and burning- YES BURNING.

sweet smell- nice. girdle= nice figure, well set hair= a great set of hair.

Stomacher and burning?

burning- 2 Nephi 14:4 refers to the burning of the holy ghost like once upon confirmation.

stomacher? food? feast? feasting of the word of God.

BAMF! ( *Nightcrawler’s onomatopoeia for his teleportation)

rejoice! put the women to the test.

Does she have a nice scent?

Does she have a good figure?

Does she have a suave head of hair?

Does she feast upon the Word?

Does she burn with the flame of the Holy Ghost?

?

I am growing in testimony of the BofM. I know President Monson leads and guides the church as prophet, seer and revelator.  Joseph Smith restored the true gospel of Jesus Christ upon the Earth. Jesus sacrificed for our sins in his Atoning sacrifice. The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints is the true church. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I’m So Unworthy…lol

My birthday passed not too long ago. And it’s not surprising to see how many people came out to the party, or the number of cards I received, the hugs I got, the birthday wishes. I’m a good guy. People luv me I suppose. It’s just that there are times when I feel like I don’t ….. deserve it.

Sometimes the party thing feels like it’s just to see how many people I can get out haha. And i wait til the end of the day to see the fb wishes. I feel like i need to know if people care.  Do i live life just to get a high score on my birthday? lamesauce.

Problem is.. even with all this. i still feel very lonely.  it’s true.  i don’t know if i have a best bud.  And i know. there are tons of people who care about me and would like to hang out with me. I get plenty of invites and such to go out.  But i have hermit tendencies. Sometimes i would avoid socializing or even ignore invites.

So I would like to have a best bud. One who lives nearby. one who’s place i can crash when i need it most. Someone to talk to bout anything. But as I said before my actions don’t show it.  What’s happening is that I am picky about who I am friends with. Is that bad? I mean it’s ok to a point. But when it feels like there are plenty of people wanting to be my friend and i just think they are too weird or old or young or this or that. It gets a little strange. i don’t want to type it but i will, i hate me for this.

there are people who want to make friends and i feel lonely yet i don’t want to become friends because of who they are. i just don’t think that’s right.  If people can think i am awesome why can’t i think of others awesome?

this is what lead me to my testimony on sunday.  when i get myself down i’d usually think of what blessings i have. and i do have a lot.  so much luv. i want to be able to show it back. is it pride? or is it compassion? or friendship? i’ve got to choose.

Thinking ’bout People

Relationships come and go, right? I mean with friends or ‘friends.’ or ‘friends’ wink wink nudge nudge. lol

I’ve got all types of friends.  There was this guy from church whom I haven’t seen of or heard of in ’bout a year who all of a sudden showed up.  I was ecstatic. That was last week. And honestly we weren’t even close. I mean we shared moments here and there, but we never hung out.

Then last night a good friend returned from school. I again was ecstatic. –I was so loud–. But anyway things feel like normal in that friendship again too.

But do all friendships always bounce right back up like these two? I dunno.  Friendships end for all kinds of reasons: bitterness, distance, business (as in too busy haha) , awkwardness and whatever else. I’d say the two I’ve spoken of are the distance and business ‘breakups.’ But then I can easily think of an awesome friend who got busy but then things are now awkward.

You know what? I believe we are in charge of how awkward something gets.  Cuz… I am thinkin’…. things get awkward when I don’t do something as in I should have done something as a friend but didn’t or in fact did something way off.  Consider this.

The awesome friend. Things were cool even though we weren’t hanging out as regularly as we used to for some time. Til we started looking for one another. We’d both be busy.  There are times I know I have ignored texts ( not intentionally– but as I always say “it didn’t have to be on purpose; it hurts anyway” so…) and never called back.  See that’s when things get awkward.

Then there’s bitterness when I simply found  the guy not fun/ annoying/ things are ungroovy for no particular reason.  And i started ignoring him on purpose.  Sad right.  And it gets awkward when he and i realizes this.  makes me feel a little bad.

Then there are good friends of days past.  We are still on a good note. Just texted one of the crew today. Got a warm response too. But the problem is that I have changed so much.  I doubt I would enjoy their company anymore.  I mean. I’ve made lifestyle changes.  boo.

Speaking of notes.  Friendships I believe can take on this meaning.  Substantial communication between two persons that ended on a positive.  Haha. So what i am saying is that friends are a history of communication in which you are dubbed friends when the last things communicated between the two are positive.

Ha! When i was down, i said ‘friendships are two that use one another in bearable ways.  Total flip.  Wow.

I was thinking today- thanks to a friend– ( That’s Right!) … that people perceive.  I have forgotten that lately.  And it got me thinking and now I am thinking about girls and well ya know relationships…

I usually wear a tie, dress shirt and pants to institute thursday nights.  And I’ve been driving a brand new car.  Well tonight a I changed mid way through the night. There were comments- ‘ oh you’re not… I thought you were.. ya know new car, nice cloths…)’ That wasn’t the only one along those lines.  Funny how material things can morph the way people perceive you. I do like dressing sharp, but at the same time I didn’t want people thinking i did it normally. I do wear casual cloths.  I DIDN”T USED TO CARE!

And now that I’m thinking about how people think of me I wonder who likes me or not, about anybody- friends especially. Why am I testing the friendships we have? Shoot, the general way of things is that if you go out and it doesnt work out the friend thing never works.  That’s why I am hating these thoughts. But where would love come if these thoughts weren’t thought?

Well I’ve got to think these things through or make the decision to just forget about it….cuz it’s frustrating.

I wanna say I am grateful for all the friendships i’ve had in my life. Yes ALL. They’ve shaped me into who i am today. a person who i am grateful to be.  I am grateful for all in this world. latersz.

Things I like to do Outdoors

So i’ve been itching for an adventure…. I want to go camping, fishing, hiking, spray on some deat, hook a worm, use my night vision.  OH and build fires. Can’t forget that. My, It’s been some time since I’ve been.

Something else I like to do is to go horseback riding. Thats fun too.

I’ve got my own tackle box I started last year thanks to Sam.  I’ve got two tents.  A nice fishing rod, thanks to Craig.  HMM and good board games/ card games go a long ways too when you’re camping.

I’m ready. I am ready.

I’d like to feed ducks and geese. Catch the bluegill for them fishing birds.  Big Fun. Catfish and the you know what’s best, bass.  How fun. Riding boats. Wading (can’t swim). Outdoors in the sun, out in the cold, in the rain. It’s all good. I luvs it.

Anyone agree?

Anywho I’m grateful for all the experiences I’ve had outdoors, the great days we have, and all the fun we are blessed with out in the great outdoors.

The Love of the Holy Ghost

Today I wasn’t going to go to church.  It took me forever to get out of bed. I didn’t want to wake up. It’s cold-ish. It’s sunday.

People depend on me for the program though.  Which got out of bed.  I made the program. Emailed it to those who really count on it. And then I through some sunday cloths on. I had a plan.

I was to go to church two hours early. Print off the programs. Set them on the front table and go home.  I wasn’t going to be that cheerful greeter today. I need a break today. I wanna call in sick. but lo it is church.

Things were going well. Got the programs printed. Plan is going well. I walk to the front table.  I find myself peeking around doors hoping I would see someone I know. So far only one man, i met months ago. i remember his name tho. Moses. He visited our branch once. I wondered where he went. It appears he’s been going to the family wards the whole time. That’s good. But yea, no one i knew. Good. right.

So i make my way to the car. And proceeded to go home. I go and i go. hmm. it’s way early. I don’t want to be home so early.  And i don’t want to break the Sabbath.  So I got brainstorming- something I am very good at. “You need to make Sacrament.” And so I thought I don’t want to go back.  And I’m not going to the other YSA. I’ll just go to the home ward.  Just as I thought that I missed my exit to go home.  So instead of following the plan to go home, i went to the home ward.

And so i go. This will work. I will get sacrament as always, and i won’t have to face all the pity from friends.  But! i forgot. One of my best friends usually goes to her home ward before ours.  Will i miss her. idk.

I make it to the home ward.  I see a friend’s grandma. she invites me over for lunch. that’s nice.  I enter the building. I could have gone straight into the chapel but i find my self exploring the building. Why am i increasing my chances to see her? I see her brother.  It gets crowded. Families are getting out of church. I continue around the building.  There she is. I hope she doesn’t see me. I bolt to the chapel. She catches me. I share my plan. Kinda stubborn she is. But so am i.

I enter the chapel. Shook her off.  I get comfortable. I wait for those i know will come to this sacrament meeting.  I wait. I wait. “Wait, did she really just go? Hey! stick to the plan.” I wait.

She’s back. We talk. I am so stubborn. I can tell she’s getting the hint. I felt it. A prompting.  “Lets go!” i said surprisingly boldly. The spirit IS with me. She makes sure i am doing what i want. We go.  It’s not what i want. it’s about what He wants.  We go.

I make it to church and immediately there are those who were already wondering where i was. Hmm was I missed 20 mins before church? Idk. They want me to pass out their fliers. I decline.  I go into the chapel. Found a cozy spot. Spotted a good friend. That was nice.

We shared experiences.  She cared. She pried. That’s nice.

Took the sacrament.  Listened to the amazing talks. Felt like they were speaking directly to me. But I waited. I waited for someone to ask “Why aren’t you passing the programs? Where’s my program? You are slacking. yada yada yada.” It’s visiting time. I wait.

The Counselor recognized I was down. We sit aside and talked it out, and this one he’s actually not much of a talker. To see him talk to me, to get the courage to address my feelings. I am to receive a blessing after church. That really means a lot.  I enjoyed that. Good to know someone’s got my back.

Church continued on. I receive my blessing. We talked. Both Counselors and I. It was great.  They gave me perspective.  They gave me something to look forward to.  They gave me love.

I go home. With a best friend. No one asked about my nonexistent greeting today. Many many asked how I was feeling.

I owe it to all. Everyone in my life. but i want to highlight the prompting. That was the turning point. Sure a best friend was there. Sure counselors talked to me. Sure many asked how i felt. But I am sure the Spirit aided many of them.  The Spirit I am sure made this happen.  I pray.- oh yes I pray.