This week? mumble mumble mumble

Miley Cyrus “Adore You”

I’ve been put into a rage this afternoon. Losing game after game doesn’t really help. And playing low level players, losing, didn’t help.  I will blame it on my confidence. I was trying out my fightstick for the first time online in years. It was dusty. I think I lost every game today.  I tend to do that a lot- get my butt kicked online after a pretty miserable day which only calls for an even more miserable day.

Today was a little different, I asked my family to leave me alone. I was in my room for not 5 mins and I came out and put on Miley Cyrus’s Adore you on my surround sound system- it’s beautiful. “I adore you.” The lyrics are so beautiful. I’m a lover, a romantic. Somewhere out there I know my lady is waiting to tell me this, someday. Whether be it far into the future i dont know.

I really don’t know why I’ve been miserable. People at work i kno have been noticing. I’m new so they don’t say much. Things just feel off. I don’t feel confident. I feel so confused. Things don’t make sense. A lot of it comes from church. Things don’t add up. Yet whenever I hear someone tell me very spiritual i kno it’s true. Something inside me tells me to hang in there longer. Something tells me not to quit.

Today i really didn’t want to go in to church. But I had a duty to get the programs printed so i went. I also wanted to bug out early, but i had a duty to personally teach someone afterwards. and so that all happened.  It was great that i stayed tho. I was able to hear some very inspiring words. some words i needed to hear. I kno i was suppose to be at church today, i was able to take things i learned in sunday school to the lesson after church. during sacrament, i really wanted to just sit in the foyer, but i fought it and stayed. i heard a very touching musical number by a very tender soul. and I heard wise words from church authority. I kno that the church is true. I kno i am in the right place and am doing the right thing.

general conference is coming up in a month and i want to prepare for it. i want to fast next sunday. i need to get level headed. i want close friends. it’s funny to say, but i really don’t have a ‘go to’ to spill all this to. I can save that thought for another post.

My parents are too for another day.

I just want to feel better. I started playing my love music playlist in which i progressively add to. and miley kicked it off. i am feeling better already.

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I Must Refrain from Shrinking

I Must Refrain from Shrinking

I haven’t been strong as of late. I was. I was going strong for a long time, for me at least. I felt happy. I felt bold. I felt as though I had strength. It didn’t last though.

Now I feel weak. I shrink, much in the way described in this talk. What I need to do is to turn away from anger. I need to turn away from the fear.

Why the anger. It might be justified, but why not confidence? Why not a better feeling? I need not encourage this feeling. It’s time to repent these feelings away. Christ knows how I feel.  He understands. I know.

I have to remember to just follow His guidance and just come unto him. I should replace mine anger with love.  I’m gonna brainstorm some exercises and maybe e’en try one out right after this post.

So activities of love, not anger:

Writing to my loved ones

Writing to my future posterity

Writing to my grandparents

Writing to my parents

Writing to my brother who lives afar

Writing to secret sweetmates

Using Valentine’s as an excuse to engage with sweetmates

making a Valentine Day project

planning a valentine day project

wondering about the wife i will have.

counting the many blessings i have

counting the many blessings my mother has given me

counting the many blessings my father has given me

counting the many blessings i give to others

counting the many blessings i am capable of getting

counting the many blessings i have yet to get

counting the many blessings out there

This is good.

Testimony of Christ

Jesus Christ is our Lord and savior!He suffered on the cross for everyone’s sins. For all.
It’s an Infinite Atonement. Think this the Atonement covers that dear moment that turned your life upside down and it covers that time you thought that cute girl over there was hot.
Know pay attention. It covers those of your neighbors, those of your friends, family, the entire world, other times, of this world, other dimensions of this world, all sins of all the worlds of those dimensions, and then what? I don’t really know it’s infinite right?
Well Jesus Christ did that and he watches us as we do our great works, he knows our pain, he feels for us.
Jesus Christ is my best friend. He’s my favorite. He tells me I’m cool. He said that guy over there is cool too. HE says he LOVES me.
He’s my Shepard, my Master, the Lord of HOsts. In the name of Jesus Christ.
I bear my testimony before you,
amen.