Just a Spiritual Thought: Highschool Pride

It’s true for a blog I’ve been following and true for me. We ride our pride from HS into college and burnout post graduate.

Where did all of my gusto go? Where did the fighting spirit go?

I love visiting with return missionaries. Especially if we are playing sports. One I play regularly is volleyball. Every RM or even soon to be missionary I’ve met is super competitive. And I luv it.

I miss the days when I was young. The thing is that I never was really competitive in sports. Or in general. I was the guy who never kept score. Well. About the only thing I was competitive at was academics. I am still super proud of my rank and am tempted to boast it here. But that’s not my point. That is the HS pride I was talking about.

HS pride. The feeling that you can take on the world. The feeling of being unstoppable. That you are worth beyond measure.

Are you?

I argue we are and we are not. How so? In the eyes of the Lord we are of great worth, yet we are no more that the that of the dust.

I wonder if I can have that HS pride in the Lord’s eyes. Maybe I already do. It’s not a competition.

I had to pause. It’s not a competition. We are all on our own missions to return to Heavenly Father. We can help one another. There’s no need to judge or be hostile. With the right time and right place the rightt things can be done.

I used to be so angry for not being someone big. In the world.

My illness has got the best of me. But I fail to recognize the finer things in life. I still crave the life of a successful man. Whatever that is.

This dream no longer gives me hope. I feel incapable. It’s a dream not worth seeking. No more of that huh?

So much more to say! But that’s enough for this thought.

We are worth so much. We have to realize this. Let the lord lift us up! Our pride can only get us so far!!

Squintyclops at Large

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Monday Madness: Living the Gospel

This past week has been great. A few stories to share and a bit about structure

Story 1
My first story goes along the lines of compassion. I was at a busy retail area for my city. A place where tourists may come oft. My actions that night were limited to fallen plans and a wish to go home. On the way i ran into a woman who was clearly in distress.

She didn’t need help really. She just needed to be calmed down. I learned so much about her. About her kids and things of herself. She just got a job and moved in to town just 9 days in. She moved into a good part of town. It’s an exciting time in her life. Her car broke down and she had to turn to the local police to help her.

Anyway the visit was well we exchanged contact info and she made me promise not to leave her, to keep contact with her.

Huh.

Story 2
The next story occurs a weekend before. A depressing weekend at Walmart. For me and the general population. It was busy and the cashier lines were long. I had to sit on a bench to wait for my family to check out. There I sat next to a girl, probably a local college student who just looked so so depressed.

I wanted to help her but couldn’t overcome my small fears and walls. I had plenty opportunity too. But in the end I was more focused on her and my depressive funk was lifted.

Cool.

Story 3
My last story has to do with me and me only. It happened today. I went to do some home teaching for my church. Home teaching is a network that my church practices where every family is assigned two priesthood individuals who come visit to keep a close eye of love for the families.

And so I went a little on the outskirts of town. I don’t carry a phone and I didn’t know the area. I got lost. A small one lane gravel road. Poorly shoveled.

I got stuck. And I tried to back out. I ended up in the grass.  I was way stuck. No people for half a mile or so. No money. No phone. I was running late for my teaching.

Yet I was not afraid , I was determined I could get out alone, that everything would work out.

The common trick for my problem was to use rocks to get traction under my wheels. I thought maybe if I pushed my car from its spot it might be enough to drive again.

That proved to not work.

I thought and I thought.

There was plenty of tall dried dead grass around me. I started picking them and thought maybe I could get the traction I needed. And so I gathered some long grass, stuffed it under the wheel, and nudged the car a little, to get it into position.

And i t worked. I got back onto the gravel and safely got to my destination with help of some locals.

Structure
I have found that I am the kind of guy who reads ten books at once. I just can’t stay and finish any book.

My problem I identified is that I don’t read my scriptures as often as encouraged and I have zero structure  in my life right now.

So in the past I read, well tried to read, a chapter from the scriptures a night.

Never worked.

Well I noticed that the scriptures are actually a ton of books!!! Haha! And so I started to read it consistently, although not the same book everyday.

It’s working. And per my entry the blessings can be seen.

I’m out!

Squintyclops at Large

Monday Madness: Luv and the Temple

Valentine’s Day had always been a big occasion in my adult years– flowers, big bears, chocolate strawberries, kisses, sum good luvin and some bad.  This year? This year I am looking forward.

There is no now. Nor is there a ‘shoulda coulda.’ Nor is there a ‘pls pls say yes.’ This year?

This year I project forward. Tonight we had an activity at my church. Vday themed. And we had a mini date event. It was super fun.

I know a lot of people at my church. My congregation is only single adults. 18-30.  That’s it. So I kinda feel like I’ve been around the block and kicking junior/ senior year as I am 28.

Idk. It’s time to be serious about dating.

Tonight after the activity I swung by our temple. Walked the courtyard. Ha! And now I am listening to oldies luv music! “👅 I want… A girl… To call… My own…📣🎤🎼🎶 Oldies. Gotta luv em. Anywayz. I kneeled. I prayed. I cleaned a bit. I wanted Heavenly Father to know I want to be with Him. I grabbed some road salt as a memento.

This year. I plan to get engaged.

Nighty nite.

Squintyclops at Large

fear vs confusion vs incapacitated vs immobile vs inactive

one can seem to be immobilized by fear, however

he may be in a state of confusion, which may indirectly be connected to his fear, but confusion is caused by a sense of misdirection, a loss of guidance, misunderstanding.

both fear and confusion can cause one to be in a state of inaction.

to be incapacitated is the inability to act. There’s no thought either, an absence of thought, rendered inactive.

immobility is much like incapacitation, only the consciousness is intact.

immobilized by fear, state of confusion, rendered inactive, incapacitated

spiritually speaking;

fear is the opposite of faith. because faith defined by action, fear is immobilizing. But what is in a state of immobility exactly? The soul? The spirit? The body?

fear attacks the spirit; hence, ‘immobilized by fear’
confusion attacks the mind.
incapacitation attacks the body and mind
immobility refers to a body absence of action.
inactivity can be that of the mind or that of the body

when one is immobilized by fear, he is spirit is on the defense rendering the body absence of agency.

spirit vs body vs mind

I Must Refrain from Shrinking

I Must Refrain from Shrinking

I haven’t been strong as of late. I was. I was going strong for a long time, for me at least. I felt happy. I felt bold. I felt as though I had strength. It didn’t last though.

Now I feel weak. I shrink, much in the way described in this talk. What I need to do is to turn away from anger. I need to turn away from the fear.

Why the anger. It might be justified, but why not confidence? Why not a better feeling? I need not encourage this feeling. It’s time to repent these feelings away. Christ knows how I feel.  He understands. I know.

I have to remember to just follow His guidance and just come unto him. I should replace mine anger with love.  I’m gonna brainstorm some exercises and maybe e’en try one out right after this post.

So activities of love, not anger:

Writing to my loved ones

Writing to my future posterity

Writing to my grandparents

Writing to my parents

Writing to my brother who lives afar

Writing to secret sweetmates

Using Valentine’s as an excuse to engage with sweetmates

making a Valentine Day project

planning a valentine day project

wondering about the wife i will have.

counting the many blessings i have

counting the many blessings my mother has given me

counting the many blessings my father has given me

counting the many blessings i give to others

counting the many blessings i am capable of getting

counting the many blessings i have yet to get

counting the many blessings out there

This is good.

Something Merry and Something not so Merry Spoil Alert for those who read wolverine weapon x

Something not merry- I found out my comic book guy died. He was car ganked and shot.  I attended his funeral.

Something Merry- Wolverine submits to Nightcrawler’s missionary efforts in Wolverine Weapon X #16. Turns out the guy does believe in a hell and a heaven.  Good ‘ol elf.

I really liked that issue really wants me to become a better member missionary.  Wolverine would walk out on poor Nightcrawler so many times.  Wolverine only ever takes pride in killing and even though Wolverine finds his habit good for the souls he sends to God, Nightcrawler worries about Wolverine’s too.

This book takes after the recent death of Nightcrawler.  It looks back on the incredible friendship between the 2 X-men. The book recalls a moment between the two.  They are in the danger room training and Nightcrawler could have done a better job looking out for Wolverine.  They get on the subject of death.   Wolverine insists that when you die you die.  Nightcrawler says that faith in his claws is useless when talking about the eternal life.  This book made me think a bit about how I can improve on my missionary skills. Good ol Nightcrawler.

Speaking about death. My comic book guy was awesome.  He treated me well for over seven years.  Watched out for my interests, gave me good deals, and we were just friends.  It was utter shock to hear of the news.  I just miss the guy.  Today I went for some books. I was prepared to say hi to the guy. But no…..  Too sad. But I know he lives. Thank you Lord.