Just a Spiritual Thought: Highschool Pride

It’s true for a blog I’ve been following and true for me. We ride our pride from HS into college and burnout post graduate.

Where did all of my gusto go? Where did the fighting spirit go?

I love visiting with return missionaries. Especially if we are playing sports. One I play regularly is volleyball. Every RM or even soon to be missionary I’ve met is super competitive. And I luv it.

I miss the days when I was young. The thing is that I never was really competitive in sports. Or in general. I was the guy who never kept score. Well. About the only thing I was competitive at was academics. I am still super proud of my rank and am tempted to boast it here. But that’s not my point. That is the HS pride I was talking about.

HS pride. The feeling that you can take on the world. The feeling of being unstoppable. That you are worth beyond measure.

Are you?

I argue we are and we are not. How so? In the eyes of the Lord we are of great worth, yet we are no more that the that of the dust.

I wonder if I can have that HS pride in the Lord’s eyes. Maybe I already do. It’s not a competition.

I had to pause. It’s not a competition. We are all on our own missions to return to Heavenly Father. We can help one another. There’s no need to judge or be hostile. With the right time and right place the rightt things can be done.

I used to be so angry for not being someone big. In the world.

My illness has got the best of me. But I fail to recognize the finer things in life. I still crave the life of a successful man. Whatever that is.

This dream no longer gives me hope. I feel incapable. It’s a dream not worth seeking. No more of that huh?

So much more to say! But that’s enough for this thought.

We are worth so much. We have to realize this. Let the lord lift us up! Our pride can only get us so far!!

Squintyclops at Large

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Monday Madness: Things are looking up

It’s like half past midnight and I am here to tell u I actually just woke up, from a nap not long ago.

My mind racks with suppressed memories of the past and recent conversations with the family.

My sister is so stressed with her wedding. I want to help at any capacity I can, but its so hard talking to her.

My older brother he wants me to do well, yet I find him to be all business as he does this, sending me articles like homework.

I found something that’s been helping me, that’s to focus on who I want to be rather than who I was or who I am. Its a slight mindset shift that pays good dividends. I don’t beat melt up as much and am overall more satisfied in myself.

Thanks for for your subscriptions. I can only hope my words help and give you at any capacity.

Thanks, and goodnight.

Squintyclops at Large

Monday Madness: A Day with Pops

Were all my Mondays as tiring as this?

I am so tired, having run around all day with dad. Our main objective was to finish wedding invites. Which didn’t happen. But we ran into family and an old friend on the way.

In the end… I really want to see my family on the other side.

Wow. Totally different topic. Idk. Lemme tell u. My dad and his generation are at retirement age. They’ve seen so much. They’ve done so much.

I’ve seen various acts they’ve done for one another and for me. It’s a beautiful thing!

I just know we’ll be all together after all of this. Like neighbors. Bickering as always!

That’s what I believe. God will put us all where we can be together in the end, no matter who you are or what you’ve done. That’s my testimony to you.

Nite folks!

Squintyclops at Large

Monday Madness: Breaking Outside of my Social Bubble

So after much self reflection I feel it that I have no friends outside church… I do have one. A good one at that. But none other. And so last week I embarked to work on that.

I’ve been making strides at this. It’s just been a week and I’ve made a few friends whom I see a future in and a new side of my personality that is worth recognizing.

As a LDS member I am super sober, no drinking or anything. Yet as I go out into the world I am finding myself to be the ‘coolest sober’ people have seen.

As I look back I’ve noticed that I make a very good impression on others. Enough to have others go out of their way to hear my story and share theirs, or pour out their souls to me.

I wanna close early for it’s late. But it’s nice to know that I can be a big deal…. Or something.

Squintyclops at Large

Monday Madness: Luv and the Temple

Valentine’s Day had always been a big occasion in my adult years– flowers, big bears, chocolate strawberries, kisses, sum good luvin and some bad.  This year? This year I am looking forward.

There is no now. Nor is there a ‘shoulda coulda.’ Nor is there a ‘pls pls say yes.’ This year?

This year I project forward. Tonight we had an activity at my church. Vday themed. And we had a mini date event. It was super fun.

I know a lot of people at my church. My congregation is only single adults. 18-30.  That’s it. So I kinda feel like I’ve been around the block and kicking junior/ senior year as I am 28.

Idk. It’s time to be serious about dating.

Tonight after the activity I swung by our temple. Walked the courtyard. Ha! And now I am listening to oldies luv music! “👅 I want… A girl… To call… My own…📣🎤🎼🎶 Oldies. Gotta luv em. Anywayz. I kneeled. I prayed. I cleaned a bit. I wanted Heavenly Father to know I want to be with Him. I grabbed some road salt as a memento.

This year. I plan to get engaged.

Nighty nite.

Squintyclops at Large

fear vs confusion vs incapacitated vs immobile vs inactive

one can seem to be immobilized by fear, however

he may be in a state of confusion, which may indirectly be connected to his fear, but confusion is caused by a sense of misdirection, a loss of guidance, misunderstanding.

both fear and confusion can cause one to be in a state of inaction.

to be incapacitated is the inability to act. There’s no thought either, an absence of thought, rendered inactive.

immobility is much like incapacitation, only the consciousness is intact.

immobilized by fear, state of confusion, rendered inactive, incapacitated

spiritually speaking;

fear is the opposite of faith. because faith defined by action, fear is immobilizing. But what is in a state of immobility exactly? The soul? The spirit? The body?

fear attacks the spirit; hence, ‘immobilized by fear’
confusion attacks the mind.
incapacitation attacks the body and mind
immobility refers to a body absence of action.
inactivity can be that of the mind or that of the body

when one is immobilized by fear, he is spirit is on the defense rendering the body absence of agency.

spirit vs body vs mind

My testimony to you this night: Black Sheep

We all feel like we are on our own sometimes. There are times when we may feel left out from everyone else, like a black sheep. We may feel like we are on our own with our unique ideas, individual thoughts, personal struggles, alone. And we just may be. Alone.

But let me tell you of a concept called the Atonement. It’s a big word. There are a lot of components to this idea, infinite ones at that. One I want to speak of is the idea of gathering. The Atonement unifies us. It draws me closer to you. It draws you closer to your neighbor. The Atonement guides each of us to a finite vision that explores infinite possibilities.

The way it works is very complex, sacredly beyond our mortal minds. This I know, however let’s not get too caught up in the how and focus on the what, what it does for you and me. The Atonement allows each of us to recover from our shortcomings, whether it’s of us or not. It gives us a sense of purpose and a single unifying goal. ┬áThis goal inherently invites others to come upon the Atonement, such as that others might not feel that loneliness.

The Atonement is only possible by Jesus Christ, a perfect being by which the law can be brought justice and mercy to all. By Christ’s embracing Atonement we are brought together, saved. By His example we gather the one in one hundred. Every soul is precious, even yours.

Learn of Jesus Christ. Accept His Atonement. Feel His love and mercy for you.

In His name, Amen.