Just a Spiritual Thought: Highschool Pride

It’s true for a blog I’ve been following and true for me. We ride our pride from HS into college and burnout post graduate.

Where did all of my gusto go? Where did the fighting spirit go?

I love visiting with return missionaries. Especially if we are playing sports. One I play regularly is volleyball. Every RM or even soon to be missionary I’ve met is super competitive. And I luv it.

I miss the days when I was young. The thing is that I never was really competitive in sports. Or in general. I was the guy who never kept score. Well. About the only thing I was competitive at was academics. I am still super proud of my rank and am tempted to boast it here. But that’s not my point. That is the HS pride I was talking about.

HS pride. The feeling that you can take on the world. The feeling of being unstoppable. That you are worth beyond measure.

Are you?

I argue we are and we are not. How so? In the eyes of the Lord we are of great worth, yet we are no more that the that of the dust.

I wonder if I can have that HS pride in the Lord’s eyes. Maybe I already do. It’s not a competition.

I had to pause. It’s not a competition. We are all on our own missions to return to Heavenly Father. We can help one another. There’s no need to judge or be hostile. With the right time and right place the rightt things can be done.

I used to be so angry for not being someone big. In the world.

My illness has got the best of me. But I fail to recognize the finer things in life. I still crave the life of a successful man. Whatever that is.

This dream no longer gives me hope. I feel incapable. It’s a dream not worth seeking. No more of that huh?

So much more to say! But that’s enough for this thought.

We are worth so much. We have to realize this. Let the lord lift us up! Our pride can only get us so far!!

Squintyclops at Large


Monday Madness: My Talents

Tonight my church hosted a talent show. I just read some of my favorite, authored poetry. I was wanting to do some take kwon do breaks, but that didn’t happen… Due to some recent knee sprains.

I got to thinking. There are many talents. Art, music, comedy. I appreciated them all. It’s good to be unique, and the differences make each that much better.

Awesome.  But which talents do I want to work on? I always wanted to be an artist. Comic book for sure.

I should just start with a novel. Those are said to be an easier form of literary creation I’ve heard, yet I know I can’t write one. At least not yet.

I have many projects. Failed ones. Never to sprout. I think I need to focus on my muse and write when the feelings there. And entertain it. Welcome it when it’s not there by writing exercises.

O! How I long to be a literary sensation.

Squintyclops at Large

Some of my latest poems

The Worker’s Diet #1

My newspaper goes, the melon waits
i sit on my hands and my belly quakes

Motion down toward the Station where every good man up and at’s them,
The good sir says “Quit your slackin” and “Shut that yappin”

Nether nor tether… He’s free.
The melon breaks, yet the dawn awaits.

who am i #2

They tell me I’m a jerk
Then they tell me they love me
I kno who i am

They tell me I’m too loud, too happy
Then they tell me I’m too quiet, too sad
I kno who i am

They tell me I move them tender
They tell me I cross the line
who am i

They tell me I’m such a guy
They tell me I’m such a girl
who am i

Sniff, sniff- OOOaaaa – I like it!…#3

Sniff, sniff- that new car smell– I like It!
OOOaaaa (that rub of the belly)- I like it!
You in my arms…

Sniff, sniff- a new air freshener- I like It!
OOOaaaa (sittin warm to the heat)- I like it!
Your eyes locked w/ mine…

Sniff, sniff- I go for a kiss- I like it!
OOOaaaa ( i bring you closer)- I like it!
Your kiss meets mine…

This one i wrote early april,

Untitiled #4

Know your smile keeps me going.
I might be down, out of luck, full of doubt,
Lo, but the thought of your smile,

O, your smile, those lips… just yours…
In that very shape, that signature smile, those tender lips meet,
Yes, to let me know, to reassure me, that all is well.

Lost Sea #5

What’s ahead?
the ghosts haunt me.
the shore appears nigh, yet i fear the worst.
I’ve accomplished much in my days past.
The days of old seem to keep from surrender.
i wander the seas, fearing the ghosts of yester.

V- Day 2008 #6
The Valentine’s Day Parade

Deep inside the City, in the crowded part of town, sits a dual story bar & grill beneath a towering cloud.
People walk with purpose. People stumble in. It’s cold outside. Do come in.
With love, pairs march in.
With spite they meander on.
It’s a happy scene. Do party.
Giggles, smiles, hugs, and kisses. Dolls &
Gents make for car rides home.
Glares, glances, pauses, & silence. Those single wander home.
Gather here. Gather there. Gather most anywhere. This is the parade of Valentine’s Day.

Family Culture #7

They bicker to and fro,
louder than when they were kids.
They aren’t saying anything relatively important,
a lot of it’s already been said actually.
This time the topic is about moving.
What is it about our family that we always argue, the youngest one asks.
“And look at him, all ….” the sister rants at the older brother as he drags on his cigarette.

Family Practice #8

You can’t trust doctors, especially after what happened.

Try this aged Ginseng root, Mama says,
Go to bed, Dad goes.
Don’t listen to Mom and dad, as always Brother.

I found a new book, it’s called Brain Diet, Mama says,
Why are you still awake? Dad goes.
Are you still living there? as always Brother.

You can’t trust doctors, even if it’s a family practice.

He’s Your Man #9

Burt’s burly, gruff, gritty; a man’s man:
He can outmatch any fighter.
He can win your heart with his might.
He can over power anything you may fear.

Allen’s artistic, intellectual, poetic; a renaissance man:
He can outsmart your professor.
He can win you with his guitar.
He can paint you fantasies beyond reality.

Your man’s caring, loving, honest; he’s your man:
He helps when you don’t ask.
He asks before you shed that tear.
He’ll tear that thorn away so you’ll know he’s ever there.

You’ve Made Me a Man #10

I kno u r dating a guy.
You like him a lot.
I’m not sure if you know,
You drive me kinda crazy.

I find myself writing poetry.
I find myself learning acoustic.
The harder I push, the better I feel.

I am not to surrender.
Yet there comes a point where no is no!

Just kno u make me a man.

He’s a good Man #11

Yes, my best friend. He’s a good man.
I’d trust him with my life.
He’ll always be there for me;
watching my back and rubbing off on me.
I wonder why he’s not married.

Yes! My crush! He’s a good man.
I’d tend to all his woes.
He’ll always listen to me;
making me laugh and treats me with respect
I wonder why he’s not married.

Yes. I know him. He’s a good man.
I’d let him marry my daughter.
He’ll always love her;
care for her and hold her dear.
I wonder why he’s not married.

If I Had a Boo #12

If I had a boo,
I’d shower her with warm memories
She’d never forget.

If I had a boo,
I’d remember my promises
every last one.

If I had  a boo,
I’d hold her so tight
She’d melt in my arms.

If I had a boo,
I’d do anything
for only Her love.

###How Light Met Dark #

Light is all there is.
Light, bright and white and nothing else,
Young he is, yet eager for more.
He takes a step. Enter darkness.

Light is all there was.
Light now knows no one else.
Young he still is, and eager for more.
He takes a step. Darkness? Where’d she go?

Light is not all there is.
Light’s dust speckle as he dashes.
Young he is, and ready for more.

He takes a TrapBox. Darkness? Where’d she go?
Light is not all there was.
Light’s rubble ruin as he crashes.
Young he is, yet ready for more.

He takes his TrapBox. Enter Darkness.

Friends Don’t Change #13

Friends are friends when you hang out, when you can joke, when you watch each other’s back and the like… but.

Friends don’t change when you don’t return their phone calls…

Friends don’t change when you curse them to hell…

Friends don’t change when you disappear…

Friends don’t change when you don’t want to be friends…

Friends don’t change. They will always be your friend.

Friendly Tips #14
(@ Phirun Roeun in response to #PR16)

The hard feelings in a friendship are like the things you find at a lazy man’s desk.

Guilt, dreaded guilt, is like that stain from that one time, long ago.
It stains never to be cleaned, forgotten.

Regret, blasted regret, is like that stack of incomplete papers, from just last night.
It stacks and stacks never to see the day of success.

Longing, only longing, is like that coffee pot brewing for another long night, tonight.
It longs for a deadline, yet is perfectly lulled away to the depths of procrastination.

Just remember to clean your desk up a bit, o too remember as gold shines, friends forgive.

Squintyclops at Large

Azyndoa: a short creation story

The Origin of Zyn

Meer instants bleed into moments into episodes, days, ages, eras, periods of time, times of happiness, despair, weakness, hope, pain, laughter, sorrow, long suffering, yet not even a blink of an eye for a life lived in eternal misery. Might your decision lead to the Ozynola, Heavens of the Dieties Fuay.

Deep Before the Beginning of Time, There was nothing but Yo, The Creator. Yo’s first creation was Ai. Yo recognized him as his Eldest Creation, Not because Ai was actually older, but after the order of His creation. Ai was the 1st Creation. And so Yo continued to create things, and many things he did make. At one point He just gave them to Ai. This relation went on for what feels like an eternity. Creation after creation, created, accepted. But soon, Ai took something from Ai, the ability to create, Yo’s very essence, his Yo. When this happened the fabric of order took a sudden change. With the Yo, Ai created something for himself, Sia, the ability to destroy. Ai took many things from Yo, innumerable things in fact, all but His Zyn, the ability to name. The cosmos grew, and grew. With both Sia and Yo, Ai dominated with such Power. He could Create anything, he could Destroy anything. Everything was at Sia’s Mercy and he knew it.

And so the Taking, the Creating, and Destroying ransacked the cosmos for yet ever more eternity. Yet he did have an iota of Mercy. I wouldn’t call it Mercy, though not at this level, but Forgetfulness. Ai forgot to take His Zyn.

After He lost His Yo, He felt lonely, Depressed, betrayed, lost, broken hearted, broken, dead, forgotten, diminished, lacking, need I say more? He was a nobody. Nothing. Not even a spec of dust. Wo, unto Him. But wait, He had Zyn. Zyn! A menial ability, yet beyond the cosmos’ brightest star. He had something. He no longer was Nothing, He named Himself Zyn.

Lo, Zyn had nothing, Nothing but the Zyn. Where was his motivation? He could do nothing he said to himself and nothing he did.

As Zyn remained silent and still, distance increased ever rapidly from Ai’s Sia. Zyn stopped worrying however, he grew Patience and waited. Surely hope will come.

Zyn waited as Ai’s Yo created the Cosmos. Zyn’s Patience grew thinner and thinner ‘til He could no longer wait. He calls “HOPE!  HOPE come to ME!”

It was at that instant that something magical happened, Hope had a name, Hope. Hope felt recognized. But where? Who? Who called Her name? She had to know.

Zyn called again. “Hope! HOOOOPPPPEEEEEEE! HOPE!!!” He called until he could call no more. He lost hope before he ever had it.

Among all of Ai’s Disorder, Hope didn’t stand a chance. Hope was looking for not a needle in a haystack but a particle of dust in an endless sea.

With Ai’s Sia growing ever lethal, Ai knew no equal. And so, Zyn continued to foster His Patience. Distance grew and grew and grew.

Zyn’s Patience snapped once more and left for Ai, For he wasn’t Zyn’s in the first place. Patience’s departure was great. Zyn did call back. Nothing. Zyn called again. Nothing. Zyn called, and called and called, wails, turned to cries, and cries turned to wails. Zyn had Nothing.

Patience’s story spread across the cosmos. Ai knew Patience would come back. Ai knew. He teased Zyn, and told everything in the cosmos of Zyn’s Humility. Even the Ol of Purity.

Ol was beautiful, innocent, bright, generous, kind and caring. She heard about The Return of Ai’s Patience, and she was curious as to who this Zyn was. And Ai knew. And he didn’t like it.

“What could be so special about Zyn? Zyn? Really? Of all the things I’ve made, why Zyn?” And so the question echoed throughout the cosmos. “Of all the things Ai’ve made, why Zyn?”

The Ol of Purity wasn’t sure why, but she had to meet this Zyn and find out for herself. Something drew Ol of Purity to Zyn, and it certainly wasn’t Ai.

The idea of this madness frustrated Ai so much he threatened anything that would aid Ol of Purity in her journey there. That was Ai’s Law.

Nothing wanted to help Ol of Purity. Especially if Sia’s around. The thought of Sia could drive anything mad.  But Ol of Purity never gave up, especially when She came across Hope.

“Hope, help me? Please?” Ol asks. “Please.”

Hope was afraid, afraid of Sia, Ai’s Sia. Hope didn’t want to be destroyed. Hope thought and thought and thought. Really? Help Her? Really?

Ai’s Sia was coming and Hope had to make a choice. To help or not to help?

Hope knew the way to Zyn. And so, Hope taught Her how to get to Zyn. They left immediately.

As she moved from place to place, the distance between the Ol of Purity grew closer to Zyn.

Ai knew he could just take the Ol of Purity’s heart, but that was too easy. Ai wanted to win her heart. He put things in her way, not to stop her but to lure her away, closer to Ai.  Ai made Galaxies of Diamond.  Ai made Tornadoes of Music. Ai made Quakes of Gold, Ai made Tsunamis of Fire. Yet these and more could not stumble that which is Pure. All these things lie behind the Ol of Purity. Her mind now made up. What could stop her now?

She finds Zyn.

“Zyn? … What are you?”

Zyn wasn’t his best. He was down, down deeper than any abyss deep in a fortress in a form stronger than a cage, a prison of Ai’s Sia. Zyn was frail, weak. Zyn was a not a even a moment from death, when She appears.

“Who’s there? Who’s come to visit me in this abysmal prison of solitude?” He asks.

“It’s just me.” She reveals herself.

“You’re beautiful!” Zyn’s heart skip a beat. “What’s your name?”

“I don’t have a name?” She says with a smile.

“You? You can be Faith. Curious, righteous, innocent, beautiful. Not afraid to do what’s right” Zyn spoke sincerely

“Ai is here!” Hope appears. Crawling into Zyn’s Chamber.

“Ai? NO! We have to get out of here!” She screams.

“You can’t get out. I am already here! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! You leave me no choice. Sia! Take these two (HOPE and the Ol of Purity) to the Dungeon, there’s more than one way to skin a cat.”

Ai declares as he enters the Chamber.

Sia’s Sickle Sweeps to immobilize both Hope and Faith. Faith dodges yet Hope suffers a blow, paralyzed. Faith seizes her moment to hide.

“It’s okay. So long as Hope is not dead, Ai can lure her out with Hope. Hope is precious now. “Woman! You listen and listen carefully. If you do not abide and give your heart to me, Hope will die! Mwuah hahahaha Ha ha.” Ai marks the words for Hope’s destruction.

“I know where you are. I know to whom you’ve come. Zyn why, why Zyn? Come with me to rule the skies or I’ll destroy the both of you!

“Never!!” Faith proclaims.

“So be it! Sia have at them!!” The dark lord answers.

Sia hesitates. Faith so pure. He slays Hope and spares Faith.

“Don’t have it in you Sia? So be it. All for the better. Now come with me Faith and be my ruling queen.”

A moment. A tear. She follows.

Zyn’s plan now foiled. No hope.

Her body he did find dead, abandoned, left for nigh. “Lo, for one to pass such as she.” He says.

“You were more than hope, Ai’s gone too far. Your merits will not fail you. You will be remembered for the eternities. You will be known as Yiol, Fuay of Hope.”

Before all to see, Yiol rose again, stronger, and without fear. The duo Zyn and Yiol edge ever onward to stop Ai.

Word of this arose quickly to Ai of course and speedy he answered.

“I see you brother, what have you? An attitude and a mouth? What’s that to my magnitude? It’s time to stop your puny plight. Sia go!”

“Stop! Sia, u must listen to me. They are at our mercy. And mercy I will grant them.” Faith commands.

Then Zyn knew exactly what to do. He renames Ai for misery. Justice fell to him as Faith fancied Zyn and so Sia followed too.

Banished for an an eternity’s eternity Ai wailed and knashed.

Zyn and Ol ruled the Heavens and continued to right the cosmos, earths, and calamities, bearing Hope for all to see.

Squintyclops at Large

So I Wanna Be a Writer

Why write?

Since Hs I’ve been fascinated with writing. I wrote essays well throughout highschool and in to college.

I got my degree in Scriptwriting in my undergrad studies. Once I graduated I abandoned the thoughts to pursue the career choice and now? Now it’s been 5 years since graduation and I want to write again.

I’ve experienced too much not to write my story or at least bestow messages of faith and wisdom unto others.

For the past few months I’ve been at it again. I have put a lot of writing mental power into my own personal writing, journals, diary, blogs about myself… And that’s all and well, but I still have an itch for the hope of the green 💵💵💵.

I wrote a short comic last month and wrote a few exercises. I plan to post my exercises online.

Thanks for reading.

Squintyclops at Large

Monday Madness: Things are looking up

It’s like half past midnight and I am here to tell u I actually just woke up, from a nap not long ago.

My mind racks with suppressed memories of the past and recent conversations with the family.

My sister is so stressed with her wedding. I want to help at any capacity I can, but its so hard talking to her.

My older brother he wants me to do well, yet I find him to be all business as he does this, sending me articles like homework.

I found something that’s been helping me, that’s to focus on who I want to be rather than who I was or who I am. Its a slight mindset shift that pays good dividends. I don’t beat melt up as much and am overall more satisfied in myself.

Thanks for for your subscriptions. I can only hope my words help and give you at any capacity.

Thanks, and goodnight.

Squintyclops at Large

Monday Madness: A Day with Pops

Were all my Mondays as tiring as this?

I am so tired, having run around all day with dad. Our main objective was to finish wedding invites. Which didn’t happen. But we ran into family and an old friend on the way.

In the end… I really want to see my family on the other side.

Wow. Totally different topic. Idk. Lemme tell u. My dad and his generation are at retirement age. They’ve seen so much. They’ve done so much.

I’ve seen various acts they’ve done for one another and for me. It’s a beautiful thing!

I just know we’ll be all together after all of this. Like neighbors. Bickering as always!

That’s what I believe. God will put us all where we can be together in the end, no matter who you are or what you’ve done. That’s my testimony to you.

Nite folks!

Squintyclops at Large