The thoughts that put me where i dont want to be

i’ve been told that i ‘but’ myself too too too much.  like i would lead myself in a thought but quickly say ‘but then’ and argue and shun myself the polar arguments for that action.

there’s no way i let myself win. i never let myself feel ok.

for example the last post. i was saying that my actions are that i am not making friends and i get lonely at times. then i say but i have tons of friendship opportunities so then why feel lonely.

I feel like i should let myself feel ok as things are and accept that i am human and that i am not perfect. which sadly i am not. but why sadly… (see what i am saying.) in this example i need to feel ok that i just don’t have friends. it’s a time in my life in which i just got free from school and am now free to socialize. too bad the peeps i do want socialize with are busyyyy..

it sux cause i catch myself staring off into a daze so much. I’m not doing anything. these thought keep me frozen. i don’t want to move. i just want to figure it out. which won’t happen cause i don’t let me.

i’m told that instead of thinking that i am the root of all problems. i need to change and think, there are  problems in my life in which i can solve.

let’s solve a couple.

with the friends thing. i can seek to be friends with who i want to be friends with regardless of age.

with school. my schedule needs to be refined so that it’s more realistic of my goals.

with scripture study. i just need to read about 10 pages a day.

and so forth.

at least i have a choice right? i am so grateful for agency. i learn so much! thanks

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