I have homework anxiety. There I said it.
It’s to write a good length script. On my own.
Ridiculous right. I think:
a scriptwriting degree is worthless
entertainment biz is risky biz
it’s a waste of time
i hate writing
i am a mathematician
i chose this when i was half psychotic
it’s a burden
i can so do something else
i work poorly independantly
it feels impossible to finish this far down the semester
Why frustrated? Why not just quit?
it’s my final semester
16 credits to go
expectations of friends and family
expectations of society
a diploma can get me far
why waste over four years of progress
a diploma opens up many options careerwise
a diploma gets you places
a diploma is evidence of competence
i know a lot about writing
it’s still very possible to finish that script
nobody supports me in quitting.
I get the worst anxiety with getting this done. Its roots appear to be from perfectionism. I know I am capable of a great script, but a writing a great script is a great task, very intimidating. The thing is I need to realize the big picture. At this point a diploma is way more important than writing that perfect script.
I try to do homework tonight. It’s hard. I want to quit. I dance around it, making excuses to procrastinate, finding other things to do. But I found that Manifesto-last post. It reminded me of who I was before these anxiety spells. Anxiety is too ridiculous to defend. I can get this done.
I got some work done. About an hours worth. I am proud. Taking baby steps is better than no steps.