Am I a fool? Or a blind stallion?

God exists. He answers prayers.  I have been praying about whether people cared about me or not.  And just yesterday, friends have called out of the blue. I was invited to events. Even today I received a letter from a good friend remembering me.  So that’s good. Something else I’ve been praying about is girls.  And today I was leaving a social event and 5 girls caught me before I left. It felt like they were lining up.  So that’s good.

What’s terrible is that I can’t figure out why I sulk and carry poor posture.  I still carry something.  Last night I discovered I hide my feelings from my family. I feel responsible for causing a lot of stress in their lives, but I shouldn’t.  It really isn’t my fault.  I need to let that go.  I need to be more open.  It’s just that I feel that no one needs to hear my woes.  That sharing depression is like being a downer.  And I don’t want to be a downer.  Help me justify venting. Help me justify sharing my pains. I need to know.

Today I got to work.  It distracted me from the world.  I was focused on helping others.  And I did well there.  I can still function well, despite my thoughts.  So that’s good.  It’s just that no one can tell that I have problems and therefore cannot help. You can’t solve a problem when you don’t know there is a problem.

So thanks for listening and for all my friends thank you.  I love having friends.  I love it.

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