OH NOSE! I’ve been pretty negative. I must be humble.

I’ve learned some good things.  Happiness begets happiness and depression begets depression.  It’s time I apply this to my life.

It was just last night that I realized that I am passionately negative.  It’s all I think about.  That’s awful.  What I need to be doing is being hopeful, optimistic and the like.

I have been having really selfish thoughts:

i feel like i am suppose to be selfish. to come to church for me, not others

i feel like i am suppose to put myself before others

i feel like i deserve more than i am

Where do these thoughts come from? How do i rid of them They don’t make me feel happy.

“sing, read scriptures, pray” says a friend of mine.  Good suggestions.  I haven’t been praying much lately.

The pray count has been dwindling.  My relationship with Him isn’t as strong.

But it’s time to change.

Here’s what I sent to my professor about the absence of progress in school.

Squintyclops February 17 at 10:45am

“Honestly, I have nothing to show for this last month. I have been dealing with life, not that my life is bad right now. It’s just that I am not dealing with my life or my problems. I didn’t really understand the situation I was in until just this week.

Part of it is that I don’t have any concrete life goals for the near future. I don’t have plans. I am not working towards anything. Part of it is that I don’t see the value of a diploma. But I know getting one is good. And you can probably figure out what I haven’t been doing based on these thoughts.

It’s good to see and realize that I have a problem. My actions aren’t leading anywhere.

It’s time to own this. I haven’t been doing homework and that will lead to no diploma. I will say that I will put great effort in getting back on track. This is where I am and where I need to be is turning pages in each week and have at least a book’s worth complete. Yet I do not.

It’s time to solve this problem and I humbly say that I need your help. I am not an independent worker. I need someone breathing down my back at all times. I need a sense of urgency. I propose we see each other twice a week, and have emails in between. Also I need to adjust my schedule so that I can catch up at a reasonable pace.

And so I am making the first steps in solving this problem by contacting you.

I am in this.”

So that should help.  As for spirituality.  I don’t know how I can be much better.  I’ve been better than I have been for sure.  Less the praying part.  Yet I feel down.- Forget that!

So the problem is I am spiritually down.  I don’t pray and I don’t read scriptures.  Therefore I lose perspective in life.  Hence I need to pray and read scriptures.

I will pray in the morning, and before bed. I will change my phone background to ‘Pray’ and every time I see it I will find time to pray.  As for scriptures.- oh that’s a beast! any suggestions?

This will be my first steps to changing for the better.  And I will be humble.  Can you help?

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2 thoughts on “OH NOSE! I’ve been pretty negative. I must be humble.

  1. Hey!
    (This is a suggestion for reading scriptures)

    My roommate Bea had an accountability group and they would read scriptures together. Maybe you could start one with two friends from Church or something. An accountability group is where you discuss anything you want and share about any problems you are having. You set mini-goals, like making the bed every morning. Then the next time you meet with your group, you update them on your progress. It keeps you on track and helps keep you accountable. It helps identify how you can improve and you can read scriptures at each meeting to help get inspired to keep up your efforts and reach your goal. Whatever it may be. Big or small. Hope this helps!
    Love ya! Keep it up John!! I’m proud of you : D

    1. Actually the church is set up so that everyone has an similar group, only these groups or Home Teachings concentrate on any problems and individual might be having. And yea, thanks for the suggestion. Actually i just shared some of my feelings with my home teachers, who are great by the way. Only you do bring up one thing. I could have a study group. Thing is it’s encouraged to have independent study for self revelation etc. Thanks Karen.

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